Understand why.

«Dad says I’ll understand when I grow up. He tells me that all the time now and I want to be big like him so that I can understand everything. It must be lovely to wake up in the morning and understand everything.»

Frank Mc Court (Angela’s Ashes)

    Unfortunately, when we grow up, we still don’t understand everything. I have never understood everything, not even now when I’m 35 years old. I can’t imagine that wonderful (or maybe not so wonderful sensation) of opening my eyes and understand everything. I guess it would be quite comforting to understand. Would it help to deal with the pain or just make it worse? Just imagine if one day we wake up and see things with the light of knowledge, with the answer to all of our questions in front of us. What kind of questions would you ask? What kind of answers would you get? Would they give comfort or just the opposite? I wonder. I wonder what I would do if I got my answers, if I could understand everything. What would I do with all the knowledge? Would that help me to make this place a better place?

    I guess I only have one question that can be applied for a million of questions: Why? I wish I could understand why. That’s the only answer I want, the only answer I need. Of course it is not just a plain small simple black why… obviously not. It’s a humongous infinite very noticeable WHY.

Yes, a humongous why came to my mind, again, today while I was at the gym. I was just walking on the treadmill and watching TV (yes, there’s at TV there). At

the beginning, nothing new, just sitcoms I don’t even like… but then… the news. There was no sound but the images spoke for themselves. They were about very hungry children. The poor children, some of them were babies, were so skinny that you could see their bones, one of them couldn’t even walk because his legs were so thin… The news were about how Mexico was helping these kids in this place. But that’s all I could get. My eyes became a little watery. And that’s how my day started… Why? Why are there so many children in the world suffering from hunger when there are so many people around the world so rich that they can spend thousands, even million of dollars in nonsense? Why? Can somebody tell me why? Why???? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

    So once it comes to my mind, the never-ending list of «whys» tortures me for a long time and it reminds me of little Francis in Angela’s Ashes: «It must be lovely to wake up and understand everything». Oh yes. It would be lovely to wake up and understand why these children are dying of poverty when other people are soooo rich! Then… Why are there mothers who have abortions or mistreat/torture their babies (in Mexico it’s common that some mothers «throw» their babies to the garbage can on the streets) while there are other women that long so much for having babies, who have so much love to give and they can’t get pregnant? I wish someone could tell me why. Why are there people who steal, who hurt, kidnap, torture, or kill innocent people? And why these people are healthy and strong enough to commit these crimes even many times a day while other innocent good people are suffering from terrible diseases such as cancer, arthritis, multiple sclerosis, etc.? Why do many innocent people go to jail while the greatest criminals are free and even worshipped sometimes (these reminds of Natural Born Killers, a movie that criticizes this)? Why is it easier to hate than to love? Why is it easier to criticize than to help? Why do societies punish the people who are different? Why is it so easy to hurt but so difficult to heal? Why? Why? Why? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

    And the day goes by, and I keep growing up, and I never understand. I wish I could understand. I wish I could have the answers and use them to make this world a better place. But I don’t have them and I guess I never will… so I must find other ways to help, other ways to teach love and tolerance. To give everything I can to those in need. So instead of asking more «whys», I must ask «HOWs». HOW can I make this world better? HOW can I make a difference? HOW?


~ por Naraluna en septiembre 7, 2011.

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